1. The Complex Interplay of ADHD and Societal Expectations: Navigating life with ADHD as a woman involves grappling with not just the internal challenges posed by ADHD itself—such as indecision, shame, and difficulty in goal-setting—but also external pressures and societal expectations. These influences often exacerbate feelings of being out of step and complicate the process of identifying genuine personal desires versus those shaped by societal norms and expectations.
2. Empowerment Through Self-Discovery and Dreaming: Despite the challenges, there is a profound sense of empowerment and liberation in the journey of self-discovery and dreaming. Techniques such as writing future letters to oneself, practicing mindfulness, visualizing desires, seeking supportive communities, and leveraging personal strengths offer tangible ways to navigate the complexities of ADHD. These strategies not only aid in managing day-to-day challenges but also in fostering a deeper connection to one's aspirations and potential.
3. The Journey Is Unique and Validating: The path to understanding and embracing one’s desires, especially for women with ADHD, is marked by a unique set of challenges and triumphs. Acknowledging the validity of one's dreams and the process of discovery is crucial. It's a reminder that while the journey may be fraught with obstacles, it is also filled with moments of clarity, connection, and profound self-realization. This process is not a race but a personal journey of growth that promises a deeper understanding of oneself and one’s desires in life.

Navigating life as a woman with ADHD has been akin to sailing in uncharted waters. From the small, seemingly inconsequential decisions like choosing what to eat, to the monumental task of outlining my life's ambitions, my journey has been a tapestry of introspection, challenges, and gradual awakening.

For years, the process of naming what I truly want, free from the echoes of expectations and societal norms, has felt like trying to decipher a language I wasn't taught. My ADHD, a constant companion, often complicates the simplest day-to-day decisions. What should be straightforward choices become tangled in a web of indecision and doubt, not because of a lack of preference, but due to a deeper, more insidious battle with shame and low self-esteem.

This shame, deeply rooted and intricately linked to my ADHD, emerges most potently during times of planning and goal setting. The annual or quarterly reflections that prompt many to dream big and set ambitious goals instead summon a familiar paralysis. I've spent so much of my life focused on the doing, on achieving tasks and ticking boxes, that my brain seems to hit a wall when it comes to dreaming. The act of tapping into a creative process of exploring and identifying what I truly want feels alien, almost forbidden.

But why? The question haunted me, echoing in the corners of my mind, demanding attention. The answer, I've come to realize, lies in the complex interplay of ADHD and societal expectations, especially for women. We are often conditioned to prioritize the needs and wants of others, to mute our desires in favor of playing roles that don't quite fit. For those of us with ADHD, this conditioning is compounded by experiences of misunderstanding and misjudgment, of feeling perpetually out of step with the world around us.

It's a daunting task, unlearning these patterns and daring to ask, "What do I want?" Not what I think I should want, not what I've been told to desire, but what do I, in the deepest, most authentic parts of myself, truly crave for my life, my family, and my future?

The journey to answering that question is ongoing, a path I navigate with a mixture of trepidation and excitement. It's a process of peeling back layers, of daring to dream in a world that often feels too rigid for the fluidity of ADHD thought processes. Yet, in this journey, there's also empowerment and a sense of liberation. Every step, every moment of self-discovery, brings me closer to understanding and embracing the complexity of my desires.

To my fellow women navigating ADHD, I offer this reflection: our dreams and desires are valid, even if they take time to uncover and understand. It's okay to be in the process of discovery, to acknowledge the challenges without letting them define us. The path to knowing and naming what we want is as unique as our experiences with ADHD. It's fraught with obstacles, yes, but also dotted with moments of profound clarity and connection with ourselves.

I’ve found solace and strategies that have illuminated the path forward, making the process of dreaming and goal setting less daunting:

Tip 1: Craft Future Letters to Your Self

Writing "Future Letters" to yourself allows you to dream expansively, projecting your aspirations 5, 10, or even 100 years into the future. This practice involves visualizing your achievements, reflecting on the journey, and offering advice from your future self. It encourages you to detail the life you desire with precision and imagination, serving not just as an act of dreaming but as a tangible commitment to your future. This exercise strengthens your connection to your aspirations, reminding you of your dreams on days when the path seems unclear, and reinforcing the belief that the future is shaped by your present actions and dreams.

Tip 2: Cultivate Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices have been a grounding force, helping to calm the chaos of thoughts and allowing for clearer introspection. Start your day everyday with quiet, meditative practice can make a significant difference. Include basic questions to yourself like “where am I?, who do I want to be today?, how will I be of service to others?”

Tip 3: Visualize Your Desires

Visualization techniques, such as journaling and writing on the bathroom mirror, have helped me bridge the gap between my current reality and the future I dream of. They serve as a constant reminder of what I'm working towards. These goals I have written down are big, audacious and often baffling to most people.

Tip 4: Seek Support

Finding a community or a therapist who understands ADHD has been invaluable. These supports offer not just understanding and validation but also practical strategies tailored to my unique experiences and challenges.

Tip 5: Leverage Your Strengths

Focusing on my strengths, rather than dwelling on the areas where ADHD makes things challenging, has been empowering. This shift in perspective has opened new avenues for dreaming and achieving my goals. Specifically, understanding that ADHD is a superpower has been life changing. 

Let's embrace the journey, with all its twists and turns, as an opportunity for growth and self-realization. Let's be gentle with ourselves, recognizing that the process of identifying our desires is not a race but a journey—one that promises a deeper understanding of who we are and what we want from life.

In sharing my story, I hope to inspire others to embark on their own journeys of self-reflection and discovery. It's a path worth taking, filled with potential for transformation and the unveiling of our most authentic desires. Together, let's dare to dream big, to peel away the layers of expectation and shame, and step into the light of our true aspirations.